I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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