I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
