perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
