Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
