it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
