you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
