Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
