Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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