I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
