going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
