Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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