Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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