Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
