He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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