who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
