everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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