I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
