From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
