D3 body, D1 cock
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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