i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
