"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
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