hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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