so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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