I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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