please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
