She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
