we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
