sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm passing your future prison.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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