my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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