I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
