I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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