It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
