I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
