either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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