A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
