Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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