Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
