i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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