Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I had to cum in my sink.
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