She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
