just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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