can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
