Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
