I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
