i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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