God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
one two three fourrrrnication!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
