hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
