i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
