Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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