Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Fuck appropriateness.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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