I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize