So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My ass is underappreciated
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
