***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
