My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
