what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
