I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
