I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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