This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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