just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
