time to smoke my breakfast
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
