Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just invented taco cereal.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
