OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I don't think brook has ever known best
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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