when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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