We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
