My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
is that a dick in a sweater?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
