Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You were trust falling into bushes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize