I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you never un-have a 4some
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
