If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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