Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize