Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
