No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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