Your face is a jimmy john
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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