i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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