dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
